My Demons

I have realized I haven't written anything in a very long time, so I thought I might start up again. I always think to myself how I need to talk about "things" with someone who could understand what I'm going through, but maybe if I just get it out there in the World Wide Web, the burden will lift off my shoulders a little more each day.

I guess I should start by saying what the problem is. That is very complicated though, because there are so many problems over the span of 19 years that I can't pin it down to one. Something that adds to it is my university major. I've been reading a lot about psychology lately, and it really makes me evaluate whom I am and why I am the way I am. The constant self-analyzing really emphasizes everything that has happened in life. I have ignored my history for so long that what has come to be called the closet dilemma has occurred.

So what is the closet dilemma?

Picture this:

Your unconscious is an empty closet, and stressors and events and complications occur that you try to suppress. That suppression does an O.K. job for a while, but eventually the closet becomes full of suppressed thoughts and emotions. Soon after, you are trying to force that closet door to close, but it becomes difficult with so many feelings prying at the hinges. One more bad experience that is suppressed could push over the thing forcing the closet door to be shut, and suddenly every life experience bursts out of the closet and creates an emotional mess that is impossible to handle.

I believe this is what has happened.

I suppose you are now wondering what could have been possibly suppressed for so long that such a disaster could occur. Everyone has his or her demons. Some have more than others. Some handle them better than others. Some can't handle them at all. My journey is now defined as one that will help me fight off my demons and create a better, newer, happier me.

I haven't really given any hint as to what those demons may be, but soon enough I will develop the courage to share what I have not been able to share before. 

Jewish Refugees in Canada: The Second World War

Jewish Refugees in Canada: The Second World War

Disconnected Connection

We’re marionettes dangling from intertwining strings

Those strings sometimes collide, but never connect

I’ve tried for so long to tie us in knots

But you’ve tried for so long to untangle the mess

My strings sometimes soak in a melancholic substance

And after all these years, they’ve become withered and frail

                        Snapping when hurricanes blow and sweep connections away

Some days I withdraw my strings

            Hoping you will wonder where they went

                        But those days you find other strings

                                    And tie new knots for a stronger connection

If only my strings could withstand the hot, stormy days

            So they can connect on the cool, mild nights. 

The Hands of my Clock

Ticking time
away
Why won’t you realize
It’s best if you would
It’s time to
rationalize
That the hands of the clock
won’t tick forever
The working of my clock could be worth the endeavor
Every night I ponder
What is it that I lack?
Your absence drives my mind to wander
Don’t be gone eternally, please come
back
My clock is beginning to die
You’re losing
so much time
Lay with me and watch
time tick away
Give your life a little bit of
purpose
Avoid this deep feeling of dismay
Give my life a love surplus