My Demons

I have realized I haven't written anything in a very long time, so I thought I might start up again. I always think to myself how I need to talk about "things" with someone who could understand what I'm going through, but maybe if I just get it out there in the World Wide Web, the burden will lift off my shoulders a little more each day.

I guess I should start by saying what the problem is. That is very complicated though, because there are so many problems over the span of 19 years that I can't pin it down to one. Something that adds to it is my university major. I've been reading a lot about psychology lately, and it really makes me evaluate whom I am and why I am the way I am. The constant self-analyzing really emphasizes everything that has happened in life. I have ignored my history for so long that what has come to be called the closet dilemma has occurred.

So what is the closet dilemma?

Picture this:

Your unconscious is an empty closet, and stressors and events and complications occur that you try to suppress. That suppression does an O.K. job for a while, but eventually the closet becomes full of suppressed thoughts and emotions. Soon after, you are trying to force that closet door to close, but it becomes difficult with so many feelings prying at the hinges. One more bad experience that is suppressed could push over the thing forcing the closet door to be shut, and suddenly every life experience bursts out of the closet and creates an emotional mess that is impossible to handle.

I believe this is what has happened.

I suppose you are now wondering what could have been possibly suppressed for so long that such a disaster could occur. Everyone has his or her demons. Some have more than others. Some handle them better than others. Some can't handle them at all. My journey is now defined as one that will help me fight off my demons and create a better, newer, happier me.

I haven't really given any hint as to what those demons may be, but soon enough I will develop the courage to share what I have not been able to share before.